Struggles with Mission Comps
Had a fun conversation with three of my sons today. One of them served a mission in Honduras during Covid and the other two are currently serving.
I asked some questions about the nuances of having a companion that you are with 24/7. My boys are as different from each other as they can possibly be and these are their answers. I hope this helps someone who might be struggling.
Q: What can you do if you are struggling with your companion?
A: It's important to realize that each of you are individuals who approach things in different ways. Do everything you can to understand where they are coming from. Be curious about their culture and background. Curiosity brings compassion.
A. Try to keep it light. Don't take everything personally. Create space to allow them to do the things they would do them too. Try to find humor in the differences. Your way isn't necessarily the right way. You might learn some things too.
A. It would be good for parents to understand that when we call, we are venting about the things that are bothering us in that moment in time. We may not even feel like it is important enough to bring up to our companions, but may help us process it by talking about it. Don't worry too much about the small stuff.
Q: What if your companion won't do the work?
A. Do what you can to be a good example. Try to love them and help them. Ask them what they want to be able to say about their experience when they are done.
A. Reach out for some support from the DL, ZL, AP or Mission President if you need it. You will know when the right time is to ask for help. If you feel unsafe, you need to tell the MP. The mission president is guided by the spirit. "Good inspiration is based upon good information." Don't assume that your mission president can read your mind. He is there to help you if you need guidance, support, or intervention.
A. Take advantage of companionship inventories. Lead with love. If they know you love them, they will be more willing to open up about what might be bothering them. They also may have been trained differently than you and need to adjust. If you are on two separate ends of the spectrum in work ethic, work by degrees to come to a place where you can work together comfortably.
A. Share special experiences with them
A. There is a perspective shift that needs to happen from "me" to "we". Doing the Lord's work is a team effort. If we can think of it as "us" (me, my comp, and Jesus Christ), we will be more unified and find joy in the work.
Q. What can parents do to help their struggling missionaries?
A. When you are on calls, listen to understand and validate what they are going through. Don't dwell on the problems. Talk about the work, the miracles, and the good things that are happening. It may take some prompting but there is hope and motivation in reflecting on progress. Trust that things will work out and that missions are for the missionary's growth.
A. Ask about one thing that stood out in their personal study.
A. Tell them one thing that stood out in your personal study.
A. Ask about how they saw God's hand in their life last week.
A. Help them to remember a time when they did something hard and how they felt after.
A.Remind them that transfers happen every 6 weeks and there is a reason for that. Make the best of the 6 weeks and learn what you can. (If they feel unsafe, tell the MP)
A. Acknowledge the struggle and help them remember their purpose.
A. Remember that this is their journey and you don't have to solve the struggle for them. There is no growth in the comfort zone and no comfort in the growth zone.
A. Remind them where to find hope and peace.
I felt like this conversation was actually really healing for all of us. Missions are hard. Try having a conversation like this with your missionaries as if they are giving advice to other missionaries. It may trigger thoughts and ideas that will be helpful for you for them.
Hugs!